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Just Not That Into Him
By: Jocelyn Petitto On June 14, 2012

“He’s a really nice guy.”

“He tries really hard.”

“He was always there when I needed him….”

“It’s just… I’m just not that into him.  I don’t see this relationship going anywhere.”

I am fairly certain there isn’t a woman (or a man) that hasn’t had a similar conversation with a friend about a significant other that just isn't working out.  It isn't that there is anything wrong with that person.  They just aren’t the right one.  Sometimes, you may even stay with that person because, well, maybe it’ll work out or maybe things will change.  Whether it be life circumstances or you just find them uninspiring, even the most wonderful person may not be the right person for you.

What amazes me, and I have been an active participant in this problem, is that we are perfectly willing to stay with a horse that just isn’t the right one for the circumstances out of some blind devotion.  They may chuck you into a tree every other ride, in the extreme case, or perhaps you just aren’t clicking and it is making achieving those competition goals near impossible.  Or, perhaps, they just don’t have the right skill set for the job you need them to do.  Yet, we hang onto these wrong horses even longer than we hang onto failing romantic relationships.

I know I’m not the only person to write about this topic.  Denny touches on it in his blog post, “hesnogoodbutilovehimsoicantgetridof”  John Katz also writes about a similar issue in his book The Dogs of Bedlam Farm.  One of his border collies is just not cut out to herd sheep and he makes the hard decision to give his dog away to a very loving family.

As it turns out, I have a great horse that just does not line up with what I have for time (new career) or goals (he’d be much happier saving someone’s butt at Beginner Novice or Novice than what I want to do).  He has been a great horse.  He took me around my first recognized course at BN Novice; he was willing to have his training totally revamped at the age of sixteen when I went to work for Sue Berrill for a year; and he dutifully gave me the ride of my life when I did my first Training last spring.  On the whole, he has been a fantastic guy.  I’m just not that into him and he deserves someone that can benefit from all of his experience and many positive qualities.

It hasn’t been the easiest decision to make, deciding to sell this horse, but it was a decision that had to be made.  Now, I just have to sell him.

 

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Comments(5)
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Kate Szczerbacki This is so frequently talked about but what usually goes unaddressed is what you do if you have a horse that no one else wants. Yes, an all-rounder that doesn't fit your upper level goals can find a nice lower-level home. This isn't true of all horses with whom you just don't click.

 

By: Horse Collaborative , On June 16, 2012
  What Next?

Awesome blog and thank you for sharing a very difficult decision!  Will you keep us posted on the outcome? 

Dia

 

By: Horse Collaborative , On June 16, 2012
  Soul Searching
 In an age when everything is disposible, we can justify any decision we make by looking at statistics. Marriage lasts only as long as the comfort zone remains intacked. Our family ties are quickly broken when Grandma becomes inconvienient, nursing homes are busting at the seams. Middle aged parents head south to a better climate just when the grandchildren need them most, we can at least skype!!! I don't know but I think our hearts deserve more than instant gradification, it's way to easy to grab that next cup of joe five minutes down the street if you miss the one you just drove by. I have been in a 23 year marriage to a horse, I am a grandma that doesn't have to skype when the grandchild needs a hand held or a diaper changed, I love warm weather but will just have to wait for summer.I have been married to a man for 32 years, not always in our comfort zones!!! I think that committment to something we have loved and that something has loved us back is glorious. To depend on that carrot everyday for a life time is beautiful. To know your person will always be there for you is priceless. I understand personal goals but what about your best friend with four legs and a whinney. What does he want? I am not trying to pursuade any decisions that a fellow human being is trying to make but -pause- remember that life is full of consequences, your next horse might bring you to the olympics but will he have known you when you where a younger person looking for a furry neck to snuggle when everything else seemed pointless. Just realize that your horse has learned to love you and he could have chosen to be, just not that into you!
By: Martha , On June 17, 2012
  Replies

Kate: That's a really hard spot to be in.  I am not quite sure what I would do if I were in that position.

Dia:  Thank you!  I will post when there is an outcome.  First, I need to write the sales ad.  Writing an ad isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  Things like, "has humored rider's desire to practice her polo mallet swing, try pole bending, and still stay sane enough to go three phases in a loose ring," just don't make for a cohesive ad!

Martha:  You say, "What does he want?" and I can tell you what I think he wants.  He wants a person to shower him with affection, to take him on adventures, and to do the things I just do not have the ability to provide for him anymore.  I just started a career as a high school math and science teacher and am pursuing my Masters.  Frankly, I think I am doing him a disservice by having him sit in the backyard and not being the center of someone's world.  Another horse, the horse who's mane I have cried into and who's stall I have done homework in, she's staying out there.  She's happy as a pasture ornament and I can (at this time) provide that for her.  So it isn't just a matter of wanting certain competitive goals (I may only fox hunt this year), it's about wanting what is also best for my horse.  Staying with a guy that you don't like and abusing his gentle heart isn't fair, why do it to a horse? 

By: Jocelyn Petitto , On June 18, 2012
  Spot-on!

Iv'e seen the horses come and go all of my life. I guess my passion for every creature having security in a forever home is my comfort zone. I obviously don't believe that any sensitive, loving human would keep a beautiful horse or any other warm blooded soul out of guilt or ignorance. Just needed to spout off my personal frustration of seeing ponies leaving their people going out into the unknown. I have never had much faith in humans so my opinion is based on my own personal experience. You are a loving , caring women and I'm sure you'll do whats best for your pony. All said with love just a barn mother at heart!

By: Martha , On June 18, 2012
 
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