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E(quine) Harmony
By: John Wilkinson On November 07, 2013

With social media pillar Twitter hitting Wall Street today, let's keep the tech-talk rolling with some news that you may have missed over the summer. HorseConnect, a start-up social network for horses (think E-Harmony meets Horse Registry), was purchased for a whopping $1 billion, as first reported in The Onion.

 

I know what you're thinking..."why didn't I think of that?!"

 

Here we are, shameless humans, plastering pictures of our horses all over the digital universe; fishing for likes, boldly proclaiming our animal The Best, never once stopping to ask the horses what they want. Maybe your horse prefers spearmint. Carrots, again? And maybe, just maybe, horses have an opinion on this arranged marriage we call breeding. 

 

From the article: 

‚ÄúWhen we heard of a website that allows horses to create personal profiles and connect with one another online, we knew we had to get in on the ground floor,‚ÄĚ said venture capitalist Micah Sheridan, leader of the consortium of private investors who successfully completed the all-cash deal, adding that he anticipated every stallion, colt, and filly in America would eventually be using the burgeoning social media platform.¬†

 

If your horses are not already signed up and taking selfies, chances are they will be soon. There's really no stopping this train and the best thing you can do is get out of the way and let your players play.

 

I've pulled a few sample profiles from the site for your reference and if you have a horse signed up and looking for love I encourage you to share their profile as well.

 

 

 Willy
14, Andalusian, gelding (wink, wink)
Iowa, USA   

Just a normal dude looking for good company 
and conversation. I may look tough but I'm a 
nuzzler and a poet at heart. Looking for a single
 
bay mare, non-cribber, who likes to laugh but 
isn't afraid to cry. 

 

 

Sweet Georgia Brown
Mare, 8, Standardbred
Montana, USA 

Hey boys, I'm a gently used, semi-retired
showhorse looking for Mr. Right. I take my
work serious but not myself. I like to run
and play but also enjoy long walks on 
the beach and good conversation over
a fresh bale of hay. I do get spooked easy,
 
don't travel well and have jealously/trust issues,
 
but other than that, I'm pretty easy to handle.
 
Nothing standard about me (other than my breed)!

 

 

Antonio 
Colt, 7, Mustang
Wild West

Hello ladies, do you like what you see?
Of course you do. I'm a wild mustang, 
emphasis on wild, looking for some casual--
how do you say, affection. I'm not really the
settle down type, don't even try to fence
me in. Needy need not apply. Prefer a fit
young filly but open to suggestions...

 

Bourbon King
Stallion, 10, Thoroughbred
Kentucky, USA

Oh, hello there, didn't see you come in.
 
Just hanging out in my air-conditioned stall, 
waiting to make the next broodmare's dream
come true. Are you that special broodmare? 
Maybe you saw me in the winner's circle at
the Kentucky Derby several years ago? Yeah,
 
no big deal. When I'm not busy um, getting
busy, I like to keep this world class physique 
finely tuned and beach-ready. I'm pretty 
easy going these days, but keep your head
on a swivel cause I'll bite. Oh, I'll bite. I have 
over 500 kids and certainly don't need any more
drama in my life. An evening with me costs 
$50,000 but I'm willing to make concessions 
for the right lass. Sure, I live in luxury, 
but it gets lonely in here. Everybody talks but
nobody listens. 
 

 

 

Drama Queen

Mare, none of your business, Arabian
Malibu, CA

You're probably asking yourself, "why is
she on here? She probably has no trouble 
meeting horses." And you are correct, but 
everyone else is doing it so why not? Despite
my name I'm pretty docile and approachable, 
and yes, that is my real hair. All nat-u-ral. 
I'm looking for an active young stud to sweep
me off my hooves, take me to Hawaii and 
feed me peppermints and canoodle until the 
sun sets. If you can't handle me at my worst 
you sure don't deserve me at my best! Ta-ta. 

 

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